Last week I shared with you one of the marks of a mentor that we all enjoy: affirming others with trust. But there’s another side of the coin that’s just as important. Good mentors also address weaknesses. A discerning mentor addresses weaknesses that need to be strengthened and wrongs that need to be corrected. That’s one of the greatest benefits of good mentors. They won’t let us get away with staying like we are. They won’t let us keep making the same mistakes over and over again. They love us too much.
Mentors spot flaws but don’t embarrass us publicly. They don’t nail us on the spot. But behind closed doors they say, “I need to mention something I notice that you do . . . or that you don’t do.” They care, because they’re discerning. They spot the area of need, and they put their finger on it like on a nerve.
The benefits? Proper reproof encourages the one being mentored to remain teachable and accountable. Both are important. But it’s also vital that when we are the ones doing the reproving, we make sure we also are loving.
One of the best things we can do when someone corrects us is to pay attention to their corrections. Do you do that? I hope that you are more approachable and less untouchable. Mentors have nothing to gain by correcting us. We have everything to gain. We are better people if we take reproofs personally. I could name some corrections my mentors gave that stung me to my core. And you know what? I knew they were right. I felt a little humiliated, but they turned it around into something positive: “Once you correct this, you’ll be even more effective.” It was true.
In fact, true humility allows another to say the same thing about us that we say about ourselves! If it’s true, it’s true.
As mentors, we should be good at addressing weaknesses—at giving reproof. We should also be good at receiving it.
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This is excellent thinking, Dean – thanks for sharing. It reminds me of something I wrote about back in 2005, regarding Howard Hughes and how he could’ve been different if he’d had a strong mentor (http://genuinecuriosity.com/genuinecuriosity/2005/2/14/dont-be-like-howard-hughes.html)
It’s hard to take advice sometimes. Thanks for the reminder to be open – especially like your assessment:
“Mentors have nothing to gain by correcting us. We have everything to gain.”
Amen, brother.
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