Marks of a Mentor: Caring Up Close and Personal

For the next several posts, I want to share with you what I call “the marks of a mentor.” These are the characteristics I have discovered in educators who leave a positive, lasting impression on the lives of others. Not just their words. Their lives.

The first mark of a mentor? They are caring. They get up-close and personal in the lives of those they influence and guide.

Now, don’t misunderstand. A mentor has involvements that go beyond time with those individuals he or she is mentoring. Each teacher has his own responsibility to teach his students well. He could serve on school committees or involved with after school coaching. In fact, if you find an effective mentor, you have probably found someone who is demand.

A mentor doesn’t keep his distance. He doesn’t operate in an aloof or secretive manner. The door to his classroom is rarely closed. He opens his life . . . he doesn’t run and hide. He pays attention to little things in the lives of others. He takes a personal interest in their areas of concern and need . . . for encouragement and improvement. He passes along helpful and practical techniques because he stays up close and personal. With that said, it is important that a healthy balance is maintained. If he is a family man, he has other responsibilities, too. Be careful to honor your mentor’s private time. Perhaps the best arrangement is setting a weekly appointment and following a discussion routine like:

• highlight of the week: this does not have to be a big thing. Sometimes the simplest victory is significant. Celebrate progress.
• “low”light of the week: this does not have to be a big thing, either. It could be a little irritation or something that bothers only you. With that said, be careful to not make small things into big ones. Stay flexible, patient and gracious to yourself.
• progress with goals: be sure to create goals that you can remember. So, you might want to limit the number to just a few. Or, create your goals around your name so they are memorable. My name, “Dean”, could help me remember the 4 primary goals I have. Each begins with one of the letters of my name.
• what is being learned: so much is happening all the time. Reflection is critical to lifelong learning. Take a rest – think about the week. What did you learn?
• questions – teachers know that good learning and questioning go together. This is a lifelong truth. Learn to ask questions; don’t be shy. Learn to ask questions that are truly inquisitive – avoid questions that are accusative or presumptive (i.e. didn’t you have enough preparation time for that history lesson?)
• unexpected stresses – these will come. Fire drills at the worst time, special assemblies during an integrated lesson, parents stopping by, calls from the office…you know. These will come – so prepare for them. Learn the skill of being unflappable! Ride the wave, bend with the wind!
• how to…this is something that encourages everyone. We will never know everything about anything ever! So, it’s always appropriate to learn how to…

A caring mentor isn’t afraid to mention his own failures or pass along lessons he’s learned the hard way. Every mentor I’ve had has always told me stories of failures, faults, flaws, struggles  . . . the things they’ve learned the hard way. We learn to do that from our mentors who come up close and personal. In short, he is wisely transparent with others. He listens well and inspires hope because he cares.

Only when you open up your own life do you earn the trust to be heard. You can’t do that from a distance. You’ll never do that on a CD or on a tape. You can’t do that over the phone. You have to do it face-to-face, up close and personal.

Why? Because you care.

Tagged as: Mentoring