Mentoring can develop into vital relationships; thus, when there is a parting it can be very difficult. Transition is a natural and necessary part of mentoring. In fact, it might not be healthy to extend a mentoring relationship beyond its intended time. Perhaps the one who has been mentored needs to be released to become a mentor. It’s a little like parenting; you know your children are going to be in your home for a short time (18 years = 216 months = 936 weeks) and that they are to mature to the point where they can leave and live their lives as responsible adults. Mentors need to approach their mentoring with the expectation – there will be a parting.
One of the disciplines I have observed from experienced mentors is how they balanced personal with business relationship. Yes, you will develop a unique relationship; but, remembering it is for a short time with specific goals in mind is critical. In fact, you might have to “kick” your protege out of the nest so they can truly learn to fly.
Co-dependence is not healthy for anyone, especially for one who is being mentored. Here are some practical ideas:
- Don’t prematurely release the one being mentored. It helps to lay out some expectations and objective assessments to determine readiness.
- When it is time for the teacher to go on their own, encourage them to move forward.
- Periodically check-in to see how they are doing and what they have learned “on their own”. Be there – but honor them by giving them space and time. Encourage them to come to you when they need your assistance. But, if they do, guide them to answers by careful questioning. Don’t give them the quick answer – let them struggle a little bit.
- Don’t set expectations too high. Trying and failing is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, teachers. The temptation might be to protect them from failure and not let them try.
A good mentor knows when it’s time to let go and take on a more distant, yet supportive role. Releasing is not easy, but, isn’t it what effective mentoring leads to?
