This is the first Christmas my children are no longer in school, for they both graduated from college this past May, at the conclusion of the Spring Semester.

It has given me this curiosity about what they will give me this Christmas, and not because I need any gift in particular, but because I know that there is no longer a teacher who will influence their choices. They are on their own now. What have they learned about gift-giving?

Throughout their in-school years, my children had quite a healthy share of teachers who had made a very big deal about the Christmas holidays.

It started in kindergarten with those simple crayon drawings that were their handmade Christmas cards elevated to the status of “Do not open until Christmas” gifts, carefully wrapped origami-style in gold-flecked tissue paper, and tucked into the branches of the tree.

Another year it was a “real ornament” that finally explained the mystery of their wanting me to buy popsicles and not ice cream all of November, without a single popsicle stick ever ending up in the trash can.

In middle school it was that amazing coupon book of chores they would willingly do extra, and without a single complaint if I were to just tear off their coupon and redeem it in the weeks to follow. Does any mother truly redeem those things, or do we all universally just treasure it in pristine condition, having the gift be our awe of what you – magician miracle worker teacher that you are – were able to put in that writing of ungrumpy willingness?

I expected the gifts to end with high school, yet they didn’t! Then surely college professors would not stoop to this elementary school practice, would they?

Then lo and behold, my children conspired the first year they were both away in college, sending me and their dad an early Christmas letter which included what they no longer expected us to do for them now that they were young adults and on their own. While our gift from them was this new  “you don’t have to” freedom and release from our parental Christmas duties, they also assured us that they had learned well —from us. They knew of our family traditions, and more than respecting them, they loved them too. They promised they would continue them in their own new homes.

Blew me away. Surely we had not done that great a job in our parenting. And we didn’t… one of their college professors suggested the letter, asking them to understand how tough empty-nesting can be on parents during the holidays.

Teacher, thou art a Santa Elf of the highest calling. You know that, right?

In a recent article entitled Tacit Approval: Don’t you dare give it! Rosa wrote the following (I have taken the liberty to edit into a classroom setting):

Tacit approval happens when:

a) a student does something wrong
b) you become aware of it
c) that student and/or others within your classroom are aware of both a) and b)
d) you do nothing about it and let it slide

As a result, you have given tacit approval for that wrong which was committed. Your silent message to everyone else can be interpreted in several different ways, and none of them are good.

Ouch, that hurt! Why? Because every teacher has faced this situation. Consistency and fairness is critical in any classroom. Review Rosa’s article carefully and see what tacit approval communicates.

With that said, there are individual differences that should be considered when discipline is needed. I was a shy child in school and very compliant. The greatest motivation was the fears of embarrassment and punishment. All I needed was a look or gentle reminder; correction was immediate. However, there were others who seemed to need more severe intervention. As a student I was not concerned with how others were treated, just me. But, I quickly noticed if a teacher let something slide.

So the challenge for the teacher is to be consistent and fair with the rules of the classroom (they apply to all) while understanding how to guide and correct each student (which applies to individuals). Being consistent with the punishment is not always the best way to approach a problem. The goal of all correction is a disciple. The words disciple and discipline come from the same root word.

Some encouragements:

• look for the best in each student
• establish rules that are easy to remember and easy to apply. Build them around “do” not “don’t”. For example, instead of “Don’t talk when your neighbor is talking” use “Carefully listen to your neighbor when s/he is speaking.”
• be wise and fair with your consequences;  applying the same discipline might not be enough for some and crushing for others. To guard against this, build into your system a blend of strategies. A warning might be all that is needed for some students but not nearly enough for others. Start with a warning and then move to a more serious consequence.
• know each student well enough to know how to effectively discipline him/her
• reassure each disciplined student that s/he is loved and appreciated

Above all, in Rosa’s words, don’t you dare give tacit approval.

When you are one who aspires to be a leader, you must constantly ask yourself one central question: Why would anyone choose to follow me?

courtesy: www.chainleader.com

Rosa posed this question in a recent article entitled Should We Follow You? It’s a great question for teachers to ask as well. Students become like their teachers in many ways. In fact, I have noticed that many behavior problems are reflections of what teachers do (not that teachers are to be blamed for every discipline problem). Attend a teachers’ conference and watch.

I have noticed that teachers tend to stray off task really easily, like their children. I have watched teachers thumb through conference brochures, text others, talk to others, come in late…during a keynote presentation. I have seen them skip sessions and go shopping instead. Of course, I have seen others who are totally engaged and excited about their learning and all that is going on during the conference.

So, I have drawn a conclusion, that might be unfair in a way, I admit. When students do what they do, they might simply be reflecting their leaders. As an administrator, I observed the modeling our teachers and staff were projecting to our students. There were some great examples. I remember a radical turn around in our cafeteria. For several years, students were constantly reminded to clean their tables, put trash away, talk more softly, etc. When a change in leadership came, and higher expectations were set, reminders were rarely needed.

Bottom line, we underestimate the power of a good influence. Students learn to follow by our example of followship and lead by our example of leadership. Follow me…as I follow… Back to Rosa’s question: as a leader of children, why would they choose to follow you?

Aloha is also a word of parting. In our well-ordered structures, we plan our year and know when things are going to happen. It’s the nature of being a teacher. However, life does not always fit into our plans. Today, several teachers’ plans radically and permanently changed.

Courtesy: Rosa Say

Across the street from my office is our local high school. Today, after a break-up with his girlfriend, one of the football team members went home and took his life. Needless to say, it has been a difficult day for staff, counselors, students and parents.

Having led a school through a traumatic event, I learned that compassionately, patiently moving ahead with prepared plans often stabilizes a situation. Even though some students went home to grieve, most stayed and continued through their class schedules.

I realize this is an awkward posting, but Teaching with Aloha must consider these times, too. Hopefully, you will never have to face them. However, it is likely you will someday. Accidents and illness and the unexpected affect all ages. Here are some guidelines if such times come your way:

• Live every day fully! Celebrate each student for who she or he is, not just what is accomplished.
• Learn to flex your plan when necessary. I love watching palm trees in the wind. Anchored to the ground but resilient because they know how to flex and bend when the gales come.
• Pre-think how you would handle an unexpected crisis. Perhaps you should set aside some books that focus on situations that could happen.
• Maintain close communication with your parents and colleagues; because of your authentic character, you might be the one they come to for help.

You can think of more, I’m sure. Teaching with Aloha has come to mean something a little deeper today. It’s also teaching with a “good-by” in mind.

Mentoring can develop into vital relationships; thus, when there is a parting it can be very difficult. Transition is a natural and necessary part of mentoring. In fact, it might not be healthy to extend a mentoring relationship beyond its intended time. Perhaps the one who has been mentored needs to be released to become a mentor. It’s a little like parenting; you know your children are going to be in your home for a short time (18 years = 216 months = 936 weeks) and that they are to mature to the point where they can leave and live their lives as responsible adults. Mentors need to approach their mentoring with the expectation – there will be a parting.

One of the disciplines I have observed from experienced mentors is how they balanced personal with business relationship. Yes, you will develop a unique relationship; but, remembering it is for a short time with specific goals in mind is critical. In fact, you might have to “kick” your protege out of the nest so they can truly learn to fly.

Co-dependence is not healthy for anyone, especially for one who is being mentored. Here are some practical ideas:

1. Don’t prematurely release the one being mentored. It helps to lay out some expectations and objective assessments to determine readiness.
2. When it is time for the teacher to go on their own, encourage them to move forward.
3. Periodically check-in to see how they are doing and what they have learned “on their own”. Be there – but honor them by giving them space and time. Encourage them to come to you when they need your assistance. But, if they do, guide them to answers by careful questioning. Don’t give them the quick answer – let them struggle a little bit.
4. Don’t set expectations too high. Trying and failing is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, teachers. The temptation might be to protect them from failure and not let them try.

A good mentor knows when it’s time to let go and take on a more distant, yet supportive role. Releasing is not easy, but, isn’t it what effective mentoring leads to?

Ho’ohanohano respects each students strengths and talents. Aloha teaching is not so concerned with how smart students are but how they are smart. Therefore, one of the teacher’s joys is discovering her student’s hidden talents. Here is a simple guide to help you:

1. Turn a compliment into an interview. When an student does an excellent job, don’t merely praise her. Pinpoint the strengths of her accomplishment and ask her how she did it — in other words, to share her process. The interview will give each of you insights that can be transferred to new tasks. If appropriate, you might even ask her to give a class presentation about her techniques.
2. Discover how your students think. It is very limiting to focus on assessment. Discover the thinking that led to the achievement. Learn about the student’s habits and disciplines. This information can be communicated on the student’s report card. For example, “Susan always finds important information, studies it carefully, and draws her conclusions.” You will communicate to the student and parent that you understand how a student processes learning and that you value what is contributed.
3. Ask for the reasons behind preferences. Good teachers know what their individual students like to do (what tasks they enjoy, which projects motivate them). Great teachers find out why someone has those preferences. That kind of knowledge helps a teacher differentiate learning around strength and interest. This approach maximizes the process and honors the student.
4. Inquire about people’s dreams. Learn about your students’ dreams. Knowing what they are might give you a glimpse into their motivations and preferences. Watch what they read and do in their spare time. Learn about their weekend activities. Each of these pieces, when fit together, will help you truly know your students.

Every one of your students is so gifted! Embrace differences; accentuate the value that each student contributes to the class. You will not only learn a lot about your students but teach a lifelong Ho’ohanohano lesson.

Last week I shared with you one of the marks of a mentor that we all enjoy: affirming others with trust. But there’s another side of the coin that’s just as important. Good mentors also address weaknesses. A discerning mentor addresses weaknesses that need to be strengthened and wrongs that need to be corrected. That’s one of the greatest benefits of good mentors. They won’t let us get away with staying like we are. They won’t let us keep making the same mistakes over and over again. They love us too much.

Mentors spot flaws but don’t embarrass us publicly. They don’t nail us on the spot. But behind closed doors they say, “I need to mention something I notice that you do . . . or that you don’t do.” They care, because they’re discerning. They spot the area of need, and they put their finger on it like on a nerve.

The benefits? Proper reproof encourages the one being mentored to remain teachable and accountable. Both are important. But it’s also vital that when we are the ones doing the reproving, we make sure we also are loving.

One of the best things we can do when someone corrects us is to pay attention to their corrections. Do you do that? I hope that you are more approachable and less untouchable. Mentors have nothing to gain by correcting us. We have everything to gain. We are better people if we take reproofs personally. I could name some corrections my mentors gave that stung me to my core. And you know what? I knew they were right. I felt a little humiliated, but they turned it around into something positive: “Once you correct this, you’ll be even more effective.” It was true.

In fact, true humility allows another to say the same thing about us that we say about ourselves! If it’s true, it’s true.

As mentors, we should be good at addressing weaknesses—at giving reproof. We should also be good at receiving it.

Admit it…trusting is not easy! However, effective mentoring requires appropriate trusting. What I mean by appropriate relates to when the time is right and when the task is fitting. Entrusting prematurely or with something that cannot yet be managed is not good mentoring. Mentoring is not, “Here you do it.” It is not premature or misappropriating.

I have learned that a mentor who believes in you trusts you when he’s not around. Do you know the benefit of that? Those being mentored become more responsible. They have to! Or, perhaps you have always been given a short leash. Did you feel trusted? Did it lead to responsibility? What about your mentoring? Do you micromanage or micro-monitor? If so, be careful. Such scrutiny can backfire so quickly; and, the road back is very long indeed.

The mentors we admire are not controlling people. They trust you when they’re not around. They give you an assignment and they rely on you to follow through. They’re not peeking in your window. They trust you.

How does being trusted make you feel? You probably find that even when your leader is not there—because they’ve trusted you—you really want to step up. It makes you feel responsible. The flip side of being trusted is proving yourself to be trustworthy. It’s a wonderful feeling when trust leads to trustworthiness. This is also true in the relationship between teacher and student.

Do you trust those you mentor? If so, do they know you believe in them? Have you told them so? Go there.

Ours is a world that demands immediate gratification. From instant downloads to instant mashed potatoes, we want whatwe want when we want it . . . and that’s usually NOW! A mentor isn’t like that. He can’t be like that! He takes the long view toward those he mentors.

What does that look like in everyday terms? A mentor hangs in there. He has staying power.  He isn’t restless.  He doesn’t run.  He isn’t a fair-weathered friend.  He doesn’t give up when there’s criticism. That takes immense maturity in relationships with others. He strives to be patient with everyone and that’s no easy task.

Why is patience required? Because mentoring is a process because learning is a process. Who of us has not wished he could learn something more quickly? Often, real progress is a little at a time, step by step. And, sometimes, it is five steps forward, two backwards. The mentor that takes the long view realizes that what he has mastered may be extremely difficult for others. What is natural for others might not be for you. The important thing is that steady progress is being made and the process of learning is being enjoyed.

Taking the long view applies, regardless of the situation. That means a faculty member doesn’t step down because there’s difficulty in the school. A husband or wife doesn’t walk out because it gets rough. Does that mean that we never walk away? Not at all. But most of the time we head for the exit far too quickly.

As a mentor, you stick it out. You take the long view.

You might be facing a tough time right now. If you are, believe me, I understand. Schools can be brutal to its teachers. Everywhere I have been, I have encountered unexpected difficulties; and the reason I didn’t run? The memory of my mentors.  They didn’t run either. Perhaps the greatest benefit that comes to those being mentored is that they cultivate perseverance. They too learn to take the long view.

Courtesy: Rosa Say

I suppose this is one of the reasons I enjoy plants; each day they grow a little more. Petals struggle to open, ferns patiently unfurl. They remind me to be patient with growth, both in myself and in others.

The 2009 college football season is underway. The kickoff to the season took 5 days and nights! There were surprises, shocking plays, disappointments, rising and falling in polls – an exciting beginning. As there were major distinctives to each game, I noticed something missing. In not one game did a coach put on a jersey and put himself in the game.

Effective teaching is increasingly being identified as engaging students to learn through interactive research. This positions the teacher as a coach, mentor, cheerleader instead of the one who does the work and distributes it in a student-passive format. In fact, one of the significant challenges of 21st Century learning will be teacher training. Teaching yesterday is not like teaching today. It’s time for teachers to step off the field and take on the roles of coaching and mentoring.

Transition times can be extremely challenging. In fact, I have seen a known negative being embraced more than an unknown positive. Transitions lead to unknowns. One of the things that helps during these unsettling times is having a constant that is not changing. To me, this is the heart of the teacher.

Teaching is a work of art as well as heart! A heart that approaches education as teaching students rather than teaching subjects is the key. Teaching with Aloha puts the students in the middle and structures the education around them.

Attitude during teaching is also key. Students respond to a teacher who ”goes for it” on 4th down instead of punting the ball away. They love teachers who are high-energy and pleasant in character and promote enthusiasm, believing that something good’s just about to happen.

So, I encourage you to step off the field of play. Set the stage for students to thrive. Teach them how. Excite them to try. Support them when they fail. My guess is, if you seriously take on a coach’s role, your students and you will have a winning season!